Steve Kane - No Happy Return

No Happy Return
"So you like it then?" "You’re going to regret getting me this, Jane." * * * "Well I thought it would help us capture all those ‘special moments.’" "Here we are on the landing of our fine new house… master bedroom over there… and what’s this…? My beloved wife is in the bathroom… and the door is ajar… shall we take a peek…? Be very quiet… she appears to be in the shower… all glistening and wet… ha ha… well hello, darling." "Mike! Don’t point that thing at me! Oh my God, you better not show this to anybody." "Right, darling: I suppose that’s why you didn’t lock the door, hmm?" "Put that thing down and get in here…" * * * "Honestly, he can’t put the bloody thing down." "Well, Jane, if I am to make my cinematic magnum opus I need to practise." "Well, perhaps Mr. Spielberg can turn it off long enough to help his beleaguered wife cook some food for their hungry guests." "I don’t know about that… Rob and Sandra looked as if they were about to have an argument over there and I thought…" "Mike." "Sorry, ma’am." * * * "Hard day at the office, darling?" "Oh Mike, really, I’m not in the mood. Turn it off." "In a moment… I just want you to come through to the dining room." "Why Mike? I’m tired." "You though I had forgotten, didn’t you?" "Oh Mike, this is wonderful." "I couldn’t let this momentous day go by without a celebration. Now, have a glass of wine and then a nice long hot bath. Dinner will be served in an hour." "Mike… you’ve gone to so much trouble." "Let’s drink to five wonderful years." "To five wonderful years. Happy anniversary, Mike." PAUSE… << REWIND… PLAY "… you’ve gone to so much trouble." "Let’s drink to five wonderful years." "To five wonderful years. Happy anniversary, Mike." PAUSE… << REWIND… PLAY "…wonderful years. Happy anniversary, Mike." PAUSE The room was in darkness but for the cold, harsh light emitted by the television screen. Mike, slumped on the sofa, dropped the remote control and solemnly considered Jane’s face on the screen. She was smiling and holding up a wine glass to the camera; her toast was horizontally bisected by an agitated bar of static. Mike emptied the second bottle of wine clumsily into his glass and let the bottle fall to the floor. He slowly raised his glass towards the television. "Happy anniversary," he whispered to his dead wife.

No Happy Return

"So you like it then?"

"You’re going to regret getting me this, Jane."

* * *

"Well I thought it would help us capture all those ‘special moments.’"

"Here we are on the landing of our fine new house… master bedroom over there… and what’s this…? My beloved wife is in the bathroom… and the door is ajar… shall we take a peek…? Be very quiet… she appears to be in the shower… all glistening and wet… ha ha… well hello, darling."

"Mike! Don’t point that thing at me! Oh my God, you better not show this to anybody."

"Right, darling: I suppose that’s why you didn’t lock the door, hmm?"

"Put that thing down and get in here…"

* * *

"Honestly, he can’t put the bloody thing down."

"Well, Jane, if I am to make my cinematic magnum opus I need to practise."

"Well, perhaps Mr. Spielberg can turn it off long enough to help his beleaguered wife cook some food for their hungry guests."

"I don’t know about that… Rob and Sandra looked as if they were about to have an argument over there and I thought…"

"Mike."

"Sorry, ma’am."

* * *

"Hard day at the office, darling?"

"Oh Mike, really, I’m not in the mood. Turn it off."

"In a moment… I just want you to come through to the dining room."

"Why Mike? I’m tired."

"You though I had forgotten, didn’t you?"

"Oh Mike, this is wonderful."

"I couldn’t let this momentous day go by without a celebration. Now, have a glass of wine and then a nice long hot bath. Dinner will be served in an hour."

"Mike… you’ve gone to so much trouble."

"Let’s drink to five wonderful years."

"To five wonderful years. Happy anniversary, Mike."

PAUSE… << REWIND… PLAY

"… you’ve gone to so much trouble."

"Let’s drink to five wonderful years."

"To five wonderful years. Happy anniversary, Mike."

PAUSE… << REWIND… PLAY

"…wonderful years. Happy anniversary, Mike."

PAUSE

The room was in darkness but for the cold, harsh light emitted by the television screen. Mike, slumped on the sofa, dropped the remote control and solemnly considered Jane’s face on the screen. She was smiling and holding up a wine glass to the camera; her toast was horizontally bisected by an agitated bar of static.

Mike emptied the second bottle of wine clumsily into his glass and let the bottle fall to the floor. He slowly raised his glass towards the television.

"Happy anniversary," he whispered to his dead wife.