Energy prices

I don't know about you but, in anticipation of the big increases of energy prices, I snapped up a capped tariff on my electricity supply until the end of August 2009. Just as well because following EDF's 22% gas price increase and 17% electricity increase last Friday, and British Gas announcing a 35% increase on gas prices and a 9% rise on electricity today, capped tariffs are vanishing faster than support for Gordon Brown.

The capped tariff I managed to get from Scottish Power is ten percent more than the variable rate I was on but if the prices go up by 20%, 40% or even 60% as some are predicting then I'm bloody lucky to have got that capped rate at all.

I don't know what is more frightening: the rocketing energy prices or the fact that I had the wherewithal to take measures against it: I'm usually a bit rubbish at financial planning.

And he's on the floor again...

BAM! Another £60.00 in bank charges for breaching my overdraft limit by... let's check... £11.50. It's a fair cop.

Hang on, everybody - if I just... bend over a little more... and sort of... put my legs apart like this... then you can all fuck me in the arse at once.

And, once again, it all goes to ratshit

To summarise recent events, then, the combination of not getting paid when I should have been paid by my recruitment agency and being bludgeoned with a fistful of extortionate bank charges has left me utterly fucked, financially speaking.

Wait a minute, there's something I forgot to mention, and this is a doozy. I don't actually get paid by the recruitment agency. No, no, no. I submit a timesheet to them (or, at least, try to), timesheet then gets sent to an umbrella company, umbrella company raises invoice, sends invoice to recruitment agency, recruitment agency pays umbrella company, umbrella company pays me. I mentioned earlier that I have been set up as a limited company. The one detail that I have actually forgotten throughout this debacle is that I have to pay umbrella company £50.00 for setting up my payroll. Yes, that's right: I have to pay them to pay me. Er... right.

I could understand all this faffing around to set me up as a limited company if I was a freelance copywriter or consultant on £20.00 an hour but is it necessary for a lowly admin assistant on a pissing £6.00 an hour? What the fuck was I thinking? How could I have been so fucking stupid to have thought that this was a deal worth accepting? Oh yeah, I desperately needed to be earning some fucking money. Except, of course, I haven't yet been paid a fucking penny anyway so I may as well have stayed at home and waited for another position from an agency who don't piss around with umbrella companies to pay their temps.

I am so mad at myself right now. How could I have been such a dumbarse fuckwit? I pondered this all day at work today and it made me angrier and angrier, so much so that I had to leave early because I thought I would throw up. I've been fucking shafted by a bastard recruitment agency again - except that this time I let them fucking do it.

It's all gone to fucking ratshit. How did I let this happen?

Bunch of bankers

The Office Of Fair Trading announced an investigation into UK bank charges last week. This follows an informal six-month look at how much banks charge their customers on current accounts for, say, exceeding their overdraft limits.

This issue is of particular interest to me because I was recently shafted by Halifax.

During that slightly precarious period between leaving the council and securing this 12-month job contract, my cashflow was interrupted. I had a bit of money dribbling in from a couple of short-short-short-term temp assignments - three days of shifting office furniture; that was fun - but my rent was due and I simply didn't have it. So, much to my chagrin because I hate sponging, I placed a call to my emergency cash lenders, i.e. the parents. They were, of course, only too willing to help me out and promptly sent a cheque.

So, cheque from parents gets paid into account and would take three days to clear but - ach! - I make a mistake in my calculations and set up the standing order to pay out my rent one day before my parents' cheque clears.

What happens? Halifax kindly inform me that a payment I attempted to make took my account over its overdraft limit and so they were going to charge me £39.00. Except that I didn't go over my overdraft limit because the transaction failed and the money didn't actually go anywhere. Halifax didn't charge me for spending money that still had one day to clear into my account but merely for attempting to spend money that had one day to clear into my account. OK, sure, I made a mistake for trying to spend money that hadn't yet cleared but to incur a charge of £39.00? A little harsh, perhaps?

Oh, but that's not all. On the same day that I attempted to spend £400 that hadn't cleared, a monthly direct debit that I set up to donate some money to a charity for orphans went through. Halifax did cough up to cover this payment and, in doing so, I did exceed my overdraft limit. And how much do I donate to the orphans every month? £3. Yup, three... whole... English... pounds. How far over my overdraft limit did this staggering act of philanthropy take me? Oooh, about £2.46. Halifax charged me £30 for that as well.

£69.00 in total. For exceeding my overdraft limit by £2.46 (because, let's not forget, the rent transaction failed to go through). For one day. Thanks, Halifax. You can take your jolly, suited, soul-singing bank managers and "Xtra Value" and stick 'em up your arse.

"I'm not saying banks are perfect, but surely they do not deserve to be hated."
- Angela Knight, chief executive designate of the British Bankers Association (BBA)